A Nightmare in Paradise
by Danielle L.B
Summary: Freddy in a speedo. Enough said.


_Lola is the main character from _'Nightmare Switch'_. The following one shot fic is a crazy idea, but I wanted to take a break from thriller and have a go at parody. _

**Nightmare in Paradise**

I certainly wasn't in Springwood. Springwood didn't have a beach like this. Palm trees, warm white sand, and the glistening Pacific ocean, precious like a priceless jewel. And then of course there was the fact that I was scantily clad in a fire-engine red bikini that barely covered my breasts.

On top of that, I was sprawled across a white terry cloth towel, the sun beating down on me. It was beautiful but I had all the reason in the universe to be puzzled. I mean, since when had I hopped on the next flight to-(I saw the street sign down on the street next to this stretch of paradise; Ocean Avenue)-alright, I hadn't gotten on to a plane to California _but-_

This was nice.

As far as I knew, I was still Lola Cep, and not too long ago I had a few catastrophic episodes with a man you probably don't recognize, nor want to hear about (you wouldn't believe me anyways). It had been awhile since I had seen this "man" (who shall remain anonymous to protect the private) and recently I had turned the 'big' eighteen-hey, officially eligible to vote. I even landed myself a job at the local Starbucks.

I stretched my arms over my head and yawned, my eyes closed. I enjoyed the UV rays soaking up my pale skin. A tan would be nice. It had been raining a lot in Springwood lately, causing my skin to remain bland and pasty.

There was a CD player alongside my towel, battery operated. Belting out was the soft sounds of The Beach Boys. Perfect for the occasion. I wasn't a fan of the Beach Boys, but come on, I was on the _beach_. It sort of just fit the occasion.

Suddenly, static took over the radio-angry static, and the song switched to something new- something different from The Beach Boys, but a tune that was overrated and totally overplayed nonetheless:

_"One…two Freddy's coming for you…"_

So I opened my eyes and I then:

a) shielded them

b) screamed a bloodcurdling scream and

c) sat bolt upright.

"_What are you doing here_?" I shrieked, leaping to my feet, and yelped again when bare feet struck the overheated sand. I stared face to face with an old pal. Frederick Charles Krueger.

He was standing there looking sort of mystified, dawning the usual dark trousers, dirty cowboy wannabe hat-(pardon me while I roll my eyes here)- fedora...and of course, the red and green striped sweater I had given him once, to replace the old one.

I decided right then he'd put me in this nightmare because the guy _missed _me! See he's not such a toughie is he?

"Freddy!" I bounded over and wrapped my arms around him in a tight embrace. "Muah!" I planted a wet one on his coarse cheek. Then on his other cheek.

He grimaced and I kind of grimaced too. I hadn't actually expected him to return the greeting or exchange a smile- that was asking for too much. Of course, when he does smile its for immoral purposes only and always manages to look sinister.

"How are you doing?" I laughed.

"Long time no see, Lora."

"Lola idiot, you remembered-you're just being stupid."

"Alright. _Fine, _bitch." He admitted grumpily. I mean, how could he forget me? The girl he had swapped bodies with for a few weeks when I had gone playing into something too horrific for me to grasp. Some sort of black magic you could say. And obviously, I was the girl who had tried her hardest to keep him away from the Elm street kids. Lot of good _that _did-oops, I wasn't suppose to use our real identities.

"Will you turn that shit off?" Freddy grumbled to the jump rope melody still playing in the background. "That's for scaring the kids in their nightmares _only_!"

"I like it." I told him. "Besides, it's trademark. " But I turned it off anyway.

We were both just standing there silent, contemplating what to say. As if thinking I was that oblivious, Freddy's eyes scanned my body, which was slowly but surely, tanning. His eyes landed on my chest poking out of the bikini top. He smiled.

"Not bad."

I covered my chest with my arms hastily.

"Pervert." I mumbled. "Hey Freddy. Why don't you go change and come swimming with me? The water looks fantastic."

He stared at my blankly with his angry blue eyes. They were relatively emotionless now.

"No." He snapped, his eyes now blazing with fury that hadn't been there a second ago. "I don't swim! Except for the time where I pulled the sucker into the waterbed-"

"Alright. Fine." I shrugged. "Suit yourself, and if you don't mind, could you beat it? You're blocking my sunlight. And, you're wasting my time to tell you the truth. If you don't want to have fun, leave."

He gaped at me, scowling at my nerve. I bit the insides of my mouth to keep from breaking into laughter at the how-dare-you look he was shooting my way.

"Where's the changing room?"

I pointed across the beach where the women and men's bathrooms were located. Kind of nervous he might try to pull some sort of stunt in the water or try to slaughter a shark, I watched him head off. Surprised I guess, that he was going to come swimming with me.

Maybe he really _had_ missed me.

Minutes passed and Freddy still wasn't out of the change room. I figured I should go rescue him or make sure he wasn't tearing everything part in frustration-if he had been unable to fit into his swimsuit this year (_does my ass look big in this_?).

So I stood up, stretched and jogged up to the change rooms.

The total beach was deserted, and knowing no lingering lifeguard would be watching, I pushed open the men's change room.

Freddy was nowhere to be seen. Taking no knowledge of this, I stepped inside the foreign change room and headed for the stalls- since he wasn't changing out in the open like normal, civilized humans.

I slowly pushed open the nearest stall door.

Oh damn-that was the right one! Freddy stood there, his back to me, _urinating. _He saw me before I could slip away and pretend I hadn't just bombarded in. He turned his head quickly to face my direction and his eyes widened. This really was a nightmare!

"CLOSE THE DOOR YOU BITCH!" He bellowed, and yelping, I slammed the door. To my sheer horror it swung back the other way- almost hitting me. "CLOSE THE GOD DAMNED DOOR LOLA."

I was blushing furiously as I tore out of the change room like my life depended on it.

When he came out, I could hardly meet his eyes.

"'Pervert'." He mimicked me from earlier.

"Well maybe you should lock your stall doors." I crossed my arms angrily.

"The lock was broken _bitch_. Besides, how was I supposed to know some horny chick would come barreling in."

"Horny? Ha! If I was horny at all it wouldn't be for _you._" I scowled, which was when I took into full view, Freddy's swimming attire and I felt bile well up in the very pit of my stomach. My eyes landed on the bulge in the front of Freddy Krueger's Speedo. His Speedo. S-P-E-E-D-O. You know, the tiny _microscopic_ men's swimsuits that looked like brief undies called Speedos_. Sick_! Why not just call them underwear?

"Argh!" I screamed, planting my hands firmly on his chest and pushing him towards the men's change room. "NO! NO! NO! No one wears Speedos, Freddy. Especially NOT _YOU_! That's disgusting!" I tore my eyes away from the tiny swimsuit.

"Yeah right, _princess_." He snapped. "You just don't know if you'll be able to resist me if I keep it on!" He quickly yanked down his speedo to reveal a badly scarred bum, pulled it back up, then stormed through the doors again.

I was speechless. Freddy mooned me. He mooned me! He actually _mooned_ me. Appalled, I made my way to the sand, trying to block images of bums, speedos and naked Freddy's dancing, out of my mind. Although, that was kind of hard because this wasn't the first time I'd seen him nude. I had once peeked down his pants after our body switch to catch a glimpse of his privates. I had regretted it with all my life afterwards.

"Vomitrocious." I mumbled under my breath.

I scanned the landscape and the glistening ocean which twinkled under the shining sun. I made my way to the sandy ocean shoreline, gazing around at my surroundings.

I sighed in the bliss of it all, and barked when I felt myself being shoved forward. I landed in the rushing waves, choking on the salty water, and popped out onto the surface, sputtering, coughing and choking up the ocean water. I sat up and glared at Freddy.

"Just getting some," He rose his arms in the air, like most evil villains do. Looking as though he owned the world in the palm of his bladed glove, "revenge, piggy!" He cackled evilly and smirked. This time-thankfully-he was in swimming trunks.

"Come in, the water is great."

Freddy slowly waded into the ocean, the water rushing around him as if greeting his arrival. We walked into the water until it was about waist level, then in sync, we both sunk into the tepid water.

"Just to let you know, don't-"

Freddy dunked his head under the water and came up seconds later sputtering and spitting everywhere.

"That's fucking disgusting!" He growled, wiping at his mouth.

"...Drink the salt water." I finished quietly. "It's the ocean el retardo, that's why it's salty. Its not good for you, so don't drink it 'kay?" Clamping my mouth closed, I dove into the refreshing H2O, gliding along, my eyes open. I trailed the sandy ground below, looking for any sea life even slightly interesting. When I resurfaced for breath.

"That was great...real refreshing." I pushed my tangled wet hair behind my ears, and to my dismay Freddy's eyes were glued to my chest. Again. Disgusting.

I sighed impatiently. "Look Freddy, can we _not _turn this into a skin flick? I've already seen your buttocks, okay-and that was by far enough!" Rolling my eyes, I glanced down, and gasped.

"Screw you!" I snapped, jerking my top closed, my face reddening. The cup on my left breast had flipped over, revealing the full . Swimming had _not_ been a good idea. "I bet you did that on purpose- in _my_ dream."

He grinned deviously and shook his head.

"Nope. This is my nightmare, bitch."

My stomach growled in reply and I realized how hungry I was.

"Wanna grab a bit to eat?" I gestured to the hot dog stand on the shore, and he nodded. "Last one there is a Mary Sue!"

We tore through the thrashing waves, the pressure coming against us. Freddy tripped and soared into the water with a painful belly flop as I ran on.

_Sucker_.

We arrived on the beach, panting from the exercise and each bought a hot dog from the street meat vendor who didn't talk. Just a random man with a plain face who made killer beef hot dogs. Like always, other people in my dreams had were emotionless. It was like they were only just alive, and they always looked _evil_.

We scarfed down the hot dogs on my towel, careful not to get any condiments on the clean, while fabric.

Freddy tugged his bladed glove back over his right hand and stabbed the hot dog and inserted it in his mouth, chewing loudly.

"Where'd you get that?" I pointed to the glove, my brow furrowed.

"I always come prepared." He grinned. "This is one bitchin' hot dog, but it sure don't beat killing." He stared longingly down the beach, as if there had been a hopeless little child building a sand castle. There wasn't, but he seemed to be thinking it. "I want to see some Elm street kids shed some blood!"

He looked at me, and I stared right back.

"Considering actually taking that seriously?"

"Nah, you're too old and you ain't a kid anymore. Kids are more fun to kill. They scream louder." He grinned sinisterly, smoothing his bald head. He _wished_ he had a long mane of blond hair.

"Who do you think you are? A Calvin Klein underwear model?" I snorted and polished off the rest of my hot dog. Freddy rudely chucked his scraps at a seagull sweeping the shore for scraps. The bird let out a squawk of despair.

I watched Freddy gently stroke his babies-the blades...almost as if they were a victim or his daughter Katherine- or rather Maggie. I guess you can't really call her an _ex _daughter, but I'd say they were the _farthest_ thing from father and daughter. I do know about their history. When reunited, it had not been pretty. It had been chaotic.

Freddy was doing that goofy beam he always does when he consumes some poor Elm Street kid's soul.

"You're acting more than slightly strange today, Krueger."

He looked at me. If there had been an eyebrow, it would have arisen, but in its place, the skin folds above his eye rose instead. That's really hard to do. I know people who can rise one eyebrow and not the other, in a sarcastic gesture, but a lot of people can't. They end up raising both and making a dorky expression, incidentally. "I mean, I didn't even think it would be worth asking you to come in the water with me."

"Suck my dick, Lola." He snapped. Ignoring him, I gingerly swept crumbs off the beach towel.

"You know Krueger, you are _really _crude." I snapped. "Why don't you bury yourself in a nudie magazine okay? Because you're a really dirty man."

"I try, but Playboy isn't very common in hell." We both smiled at this. I mean hey, we fight, but I guess we're on relatively okay terms. Maybe even pretty good...at the least, we're acquaintances. A long time ago, I had even found myself finding some sort of mild _attraction_ to the madman. I hadn't and still don't care how _scary_ anyone thought Freddy was. He seems to bear no emotions like love, happiness or compassion but there has to be _something_ in there. Because if he didn't consider me a friend, then why was he not killing me like all the others who crossed his path? He had _said _it was because I'm now too old to be any fun killing. But Freddy would never pass up the chance to kill _someone_- especially one living in his old home. Fraternizing with him.

It's true, I guess you can say he was a monster. Definitely not human. He once told me about these bizarre dream demons. Demons that give the evilest eternal power- resurrection-but in dreams only. So he's evil, of course. What thing _isn't_ evil when they find it knee slapping hilarious when someone is screaming in pain. I think the guy gets turned on by his twisted, barbaric ways.

"You're thinking about me." Freddy interrupted my thoughts. "And yeah," he grinned cruelly, "I_ am_ a monster-a real bad ass one at that."

"Only in your speedo." I smirked.

"What can I say? I've always been well known for that area." He bared his teeth.

"Liar." I cut him off, then I glanced down at the waterproof digital watch on my wrist. I squinted in the blinding sun to read the bold numbers: **5:57**. "Well, it's been real, Freddy, but my alarm is going to go off in three minutes for school."

"And an Elm Street brat sleeps!" He grinned devilishly. "It's traveling time!"

Freddy waved his arms over his body and in a blink he was back in his customary, dirty old trousers, red and green sweater etc etc.

Smiling to myself, I took control of things. I gave Freddy another brief hug(despite his pissed off expression), patted his fedora well (which was already atop his head, mind you) and wished him a safe trip.

"And hey, Krueger?"

He grunted.

"See you around." I smiled and then heard the familiar _beep beep_ _beep _of my alarm buzzing.

Somewhere in Ohio, on 1428 Elm street I, Lola Cep awoke from my beauty sleep. I lay there in my plush comforter, staring at the ceiling before I dragged myself out of bed to finish one of the last few months of my senior year. My thoughts were occupied with the dream I had just had. It certainly had been a while since Freddy conjured up my dreams.

As I climbed out of bed, pushing the warm covers off of my body, I noticed something different- something that certainly had not been there _before_ I fell asleep tonight. My once ghostly pale skin shone with a perfect golden brown tan...all true. Then I grimaced. Remembering in full detail, this night's accounts.

Show me blood, gore, intestines, guts and zombies- but _don't _show me Freddy Krueger in a speedo.

**The End**


End file.
